Recently we announced the birth of our first son, who is born after a 7-yr long struggle. Through these struggles, I learned how important it is to silence the mind and accept that universe has a way of working things out for you.
We (husband and I) worked hard just like others to settle down in life and one day we decided to expand our family. Little did we know that we were embarking on a tough journey! Every month would result in disappointment, and being healthy I wasn’t ready to seek medical interventions initially. When we did, the best of the best bay area medical experts couldn’t put a finger on anything (as all tests were normal hormonally) – hence tagged me under “Unexplained Infertility”. When we got lucky in getting pregnant, my body wouldn’t accept the pregnancy. No one had a clue what was going on, and I was physically and mentally exhausted.
During this journey, I had a chance to meet my roommate – a mate who I would meet every night! Some nights we had a good time chatting and sometimes NOT. A lot of times, I woke up exhausted in the morning because I was talking to her whole night. I would kick her out once in a while by taking sleep-inducing tabs or insanely immersing in office work. As much as I can remember, our chats were pretty much the same:
- Why me?
- Why is this happening to me?
- From my knowledge I didn’t hurt anyone, so why do I deserve this?
- Did I not take care of myself properly – healthwise?
- Am I doing everything to solve the issue?
- Is it work-related stress?
- Will it ever get resolved or am I going to be in this perpetual state?
Anyone who knew me wouldn’t accept that I was in a depression, and even I wasn’t ready to accept it. In grief, there are several phases –
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance
Based on the situation and person to person, some of these phases are short and some long. I was stuck – stuck in bargain and depression phases for a long time. Finally, in 2015, the year in which I lost three back-to-back pregnancies – something kicked in me, not sure what but I wanted to restart everything.
Instead of seeking medical help, I decided to help myself. I read somewhere:
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did!
What is it that I need to do? It was clear, I needed to kick this room-mate of mine for good long 5 yrs. But how?
“By learning to let go (no attachments) and not control everything”
And how do I do that?
That’s it. I started doing that on a regular basis and lo-and-behold, I was able to silence my mind and I slowly started to regain my sanity. Eventually, universe helped me find a doctor who was able to provide the right prognosis and in 2016 I conceived, my body accepted it and I am now mother to a beautiful baby.
One piece of advice I got from my mother which helped me tremendously and I want to share it with you! She said:
Birth, Death, and Marriage are not in our control. Time is the only answer!
I’d like to believe that with time, I came across meditation and knowing my inner self better which eventually led to a happy ending.
Every person will go through ups-and-downs in life, it’s important to find a tool to cope with grief. Mine is meditation while yours might be something different. There are many tools – meditation is the best I heard but others include – any form of exercise (running, swimming …), music, yoga, connecting with nature, laughter, getting a Pet? etc… Find yours as you might need it someday if not already.